“The One”

This blog was inspired by a dear friend of mine. Don’t give up on love just yet – I’m certain that you’ll find “The One”… just like me.

“My best friend’s little brother saw you from the car window, and he thinks you’re cute!” This was the news my older sister whispered to me in the back seat while my dad drove us home. “Who is he?”, I asked her, my current love interest consisted of BOP magazine pull outs of Kirk Cameron, John Stamos and New Kids on the Block…(that I thought looked amazing) plastered all over my bedroom walls. I highly doubt that he will ever read this particular blog, but for the sake of embarrassing anyone (mostly me) – we will just call him”RC”. I didn’t know much about RC, just that he thought I was cute when he saw me… that day we picked my sister up from the movie theatre. I had just perfected the ever popular side bang and a very sophisticated side ponytail to complete the look. It’s no wonder that I caught his eye!

That year, we ended up moving and I also started a new school – the same school as RC. Infact, I sat right in front of him. Being 12, I wasn’t quite sure what to do or say, so for the most part, I only said a few words to this boy and when his friend TJ asked me to go out with him…naturally, I said yes…because, it was RC’s friend and I thought – well, maybe going out with his friend would somehow get me closer to him. A week before school ended that year – RC asked my friend Nicki if I would go out with him. I (fortunately) heard the entire conversation on my pink + turquoise SWATCH WATCH phone that conveniently had 2 lines for listening. I’m pretty sure we only went out for a few weeks – but this was the very first boy (that I really liked) to hold my hand, roller skate with me to the slow song NKOTB “I’ll Be Loving You Forever” AND give me 6 cloth red roses with a note that said “I Love You”. And then – it happened, I was told through the grapevine that he was breaking up with me for another girl. I (of course) was devastated – my heart was broken for the first time ever. And yet – I held on to the feelings I had for this boy.. when I think of how crazy I became – obsessing over the next time I might bump into him.. at the county fair … a birthday party … a dance … his baseball games .. or (his) bus on our way to school. I remember thinking my life was over without him …and even though he was no longer interested in me, I couldn’t stop scribbling his last name next to mine … or thinking about the few times that we had hung out. Looking back, I’m not quite sure what my obsession was all about – maybe it was my real “first crush” or the fact that he also liked me. Did I think that he was “the one” … obviously! I was almost 13 years old, and clearly – I indeed knew what True Love was .. because, when you added up the letters in our name with the words True Love – we scored an 87% of having TRUE LOVE, so we were definitely meant for each other. In actual reality, he definitely was not the one for me and my fragile heart needed to accept this and move on. This was my first heartbreak … but it definitely wasn’t my last.

“We seriously have 10 more minutes before curfew…you should stay right here, so that I can kiss you.” I was almost 16 (never been kissed) and sitting next to the cute boy I had met earlier that week at a Christian School Conference. I remember meeting him (JC) after a choir performance. He was from Texas, he could sing, he had blonde hair + blue eyes .. and, he was absolutely perfect. We sat in the commons area of his dorm room, and I was stressing over being late to my own dorm that night. Tempting as it was, I didn’t want to endure the wrath of Mrs. M, so I told him I needed to go – but we would see each other the next day. Our “next day” meeting never happened as planned, but I did run into him right before his school was leaving. We exchanged phone numbers + mailing addresses. He was my one and only long distance love. This was before cell phones, texting and the internet. I spent endless hours next to the phone, waiting for it to ring … checking the actual mailbox 5 times a day, waiting for a letter .. a call .. just to hear his voice. “I Love You Heather Bell”, he said to me one (very late) evening… he called me (long distance) and we had been talking for a few hours .. when my mother picked up the phone downstairs and was shocked that we were still talking. She also said “Good night Heather Bell, I love you” .. and so, it only seemed appropriate that before we hung up for the night – he also said the same. JC was a hard crush for me to get over and I fell extremely hard for this guy. So much time was spent re-reading his letters and talking on the phone. To this day – I can’t even remember what we talked about that was so important. Even in our 20’s, we do crazy things for love …like (for instance) spending a spring break traveling (via Greyhound) to the same university and secretly attending the same class as him, hoping that maybe “love at first or second sight” might happen once again, or even after a chat on the phone – deciding to fly over and spend a week with him…after years of not seeing each other – thinking something might be rekindled. yes, this was me .. holding on to whatever last hope … that he might just be “The One”. I had moved on from the actual “TRUE LOVE” name test …but I did still doodle his last name next to mine, even after he pretty much ghosted me .. before ghosting was even a real thing. I’ll never forget the day I checked my mailbox … only to find a wedding invitation to his wedding, personally from him… and that is when I knew he definitely was not “The One”…and, I was left with yet another broken heart. The distance between us didn’t seem to help since my heart struggled to let go. So many times, we invest ourselves 100% into relationships that offer no guarantee. This is when I learned that we need to know when to let go – it’s not healthy to hang on .. or stay .. especially if the same is not being reciprocated or it’s truly a harmful / toxic relationship.

“I have something to tell you.” We were sitting in my Honda Civic. I just wanted to get it over with … after a year of dating I knew that HE definitely was NOT “The One”. “Well, I have something to tell you too,” he said. He sounded anxious .. maybe he wanted to end it with me .. I would be fine with that. So, I said, “Okay, you go first then.” He looked at me .. all too serious..and the words out of his mouth .. almost in slow motion.. “I have cancer.” Yeah, I pretty much lost my entire train of thought … and concentrated on just composing myself in that moment. When he asked what I had to say, I simply said it wasn’t important … and for the next year, I rearranged my entire schedule to match his – so that I could be there to go with him to his chemotherapy treatments, to give him his daily shots into his stomach, and make sure that he was taken care of. His family lived in Chicago and I took on the responsibility of being his caretaker. I told myself that after the year of treatments, I would break up with him. I knew deep down this probably was not the greatest idea – but I felt bad leaving him in his current state. We only had a few months left…during that time he had turned out to be quite disrespectful to my family and even my grandmother had added “Break Up with RP” on my “To Do” list. I knew that it was not going to last much longer. I tried to end our relationship nicely, but this time – it was HIM who went crazy – pleading with me to be with him, crying at my doorstep, leaving flowers at my desk, stalking me outside my apartment, leaving numerous voicemails on my answering machine, and even vandalizing my car. Maybe to him – I was “The One”, and even though it was my decision to breakup with him, my heart still hurt for him, for the time that was spent in this relationship and just knowing that feeling of a broken heart. Strangely enough – I never did envision his last name next to mine .. and the “TRUE LOVE” name test was now just a child’s game.

“I’ll be right back,” he said, turning around and winking at me, before he walked into the Men’s restroom. It was literally that moment, when he winked at me – I thought to myself, I don’t know if he is “The One”, but there is definitely something there. I felt like he might end up being a hard guy to forget. We had just met on the rooter bus, on our way to the Battle In Seattle – an annual football game played between Central Washington University and Western Washington University at the Quest Stadium in Seattle. I sat next to him on the bus and we managed to make conversation for the entire 2.5 hour bus ride. He was a year older than me, returning to school after spending some time in Europe, had been in the military and let me know we were taking the “scenic route” to Seattle. We shared a pizza together and sat next to each other at the football game. He explained the rules and I listened..while trying not to get lost in his beautiful blue eyes. We rode home together on the same bus, and he let me know that he left his phone number in my pink NOKIA cell phone. I hesitated to call him back because my mom always told me that girls do not call boys. But 3 weeks later …while on a date with another guy and completely not present in the conversation, because I was thinking about him – I decided I needed a valid reason to make the call. My roommate helped me come up with a story .. something about this frozen cookie dough in my mini fridge .. and oven that didn’t work in our dorm hall .. and could I come over and bake my cookies in his oven? He was a little surprised to hear from me. But, that weekend – I brought over my cookie dough – we baked cookies together and he taught me how to play darts. We certainly had our ups and downs .. a few “breaks” here and there, but my heart would not let him go. I just knew that he definitely was “The One”. When I think about all of the hysterical phone calls, silly (yet serious) fights .. or the time I stormed out of his apartment with my rice cooker in hand .. well, all of those moments – were definitely worth it. The tears, the laughter, the butterflies in my stomach .. that I still get when he glances my way .. all of it was and still is .. totally worth it .. to find “The One” We’ve been married over 10 years now, and he is still “The One” – the one my heart will fight for, laugh with, cry with and love deeply.

When I look back on my past relationships, I can see myself – stumbling and growing along the way. It’s a process we all go through: the high of being in love, the heartache from a breakup or just loving someone THAT much. I do believe that there is someone out there for everyone, and it seems to happen when we least expect it. I never did practice writing his last name next to mine .. until a week or two before our wedding. And, ( for fun) – I JUST tested out the TRUE LOVE name test on us .. and our score is 118% of TRUE LOVE, so I guess that means that he is definitely “The One” and we’re really in love.

Living in “The Now”

We’ve all heard it, but do any of us actually ever do it? It should be easy – to live in “The Now”… but sometimes, it feels as if “The Now” is not enough.

I watch my husband hang up our newest souvenir plate from Disney World. To think, it all started with a text from my sister, “Do you and Nate wanna go to Disney World with me?” It was a trip we never seriously considered. We honeymooned in Disney Land and joked (back then) about “someday” going to Disney World. But, as time passed – we continued to collect our souvenirs from places like the Almafi Coast of Italy and the beautiful beaches of Punta Cana because, that was our “Now”.

I never imagined us going to Disney World. I also never imagined a “Now” moment like this one – traveling to “The Happiest Place on Earth” with my “little” sister…who is now in her 20’s, no longer “little” and probably even more confident in navigating the Magic Kingdom than myself!

I shared in her “Now” moment as we both traveled clear across the country together (for the first time), arrived into “alligator territory” together. When I suggested a small gas can and aerosol hairspray for our safety, my sister and Nate both laughed – as if they thought I was actually kidding. Needless to say, I left the gas can at home and just prayed for the best.

We eagerly waited for the park to open that first day – as Mickey & his friends reminded us of pixie dust and friendships and once again, I was in that “Now” moment with my sister. We watched the fireworks that night and were reminded of believing in your dreams, making a difference in this world and holding on to the happily ever after’s of this life. I watched Jill–she was in that “Now” moment…and I was sharing it with her.

Our week was filled with early mornings and late nights…and even an “unplanned” stop at an apartment complex called “Universal Resort”. We waited in plenty of lines for a 30 second ride…which almost always meant 30 seconds of screaming for me, and hysterical laughter from both Jill & Nate.

There were countless magical moments throughout the week and so many “firsts” for us all. There were a few times that even I caught myself holding back “happy” tears as a performance with Elsa and Arendelle reminded me of how lucky I am to be sitting next to my own sister, creating memories with her and making up for lost time. We spent our last evening dining with the Beast in his castle. I could feel this “Now” moment as Tinker Bell sprinkled some of that pixie dust on us – and we were part of this fairytale…this magical moment and we were all sharing it together.

This trip made me realize that sometimes the “Now” might not be what you envisioned. We are always striving for a better “Now” – maybe it’s a better job..house…car…or a whole new change in scenery. Whatever it might be – let’s not get lost in the good that’s happening in the current “Now”. There is always something positive happening in the “Now”. For me, it’s coming home every night to a husband who undoubtedly keeps me smiling with his sense of humor. It’s a group of friends who make me feel at home and don’t mind if I’m slightly behind in our “book club”. It’s a phone call reminding me I’m only a 5ish hour drive from a Valley I still miss, and most of all it’s unexpected trips that turn into lifelong memories!

Saying My Last Goodbye

It all began in the summer of 2008. Just like any relationship, we certainly had our own bumps in the road. My heart, empty and alone, yearned to be back in the college town where I met my future husband, where even without GPS – I could find my way back to the dorms, and where a historic downtown was just big enough for a Fred Meyers and still small enough for an old-fashioned ice cream parlor. But, I wasn’t in college anymore and so – here I was .. in a once “Tractor Barn” .. now a makeshift “Town House” in the middle of an orchard, with a St. Bernard puppy and a new fiance to boot.. in a place known as the Yakima Valley.

You endured the growing pains with me – as I stumbled my way through those “firsts” – first (and shortest) temp job gone wrong – filling in for the front desk at a place called Freightliner Trucks, what in the world was I thinking.. first major car accident – flying over the median on black ice – you really should have warned me of those harsh winters! First float down the Yakima river – I’ll never forget the beauty of the canyon on both sides of me, the ice-cold water on that 100 degree day – and of course the friends I shared this experience with – one of the greatest river floats, ever! First real grown-up home! What started as a “let’s go check this Zillah Lakes place out” – turned into a “We’ll make this happen somehow” over a glass of wine at Case of the Blues. And on the exact day I initially met my husband (Sept 25th) – Nate & I signed ALL those papers and became the official homeowners of a 3 bedroom 2.5 bathroom townhouse … conveniently located just minutes away from more wineries than we even knew about.

Speaking of wineries, I had no idea – that some of these wineries would become near and dear to my heart – but I have a hunch.. you knew this all along, didn’t you? I would love to say that “What happens in Wine Country STAYS in Wine Country” … but to keep such a secret would be a shame – and after our first Spring Barrel weekend, I couldn’t help but spread the word, and that’s when I became attached – I wanted to share this experience with friends – so I did… and some of the BEST memories were made – whether it was catching up with old college friends, hanging out with co-workers, or spending time with my husband over a lazy weekend, it mostly – happened somewhere in Wine Country. It’s like my aunt says, “We all know that the oyster is simply the agent used to transport the garlic butter.” Same goes here – Wine Country is the secret ingredient that mixes friends and grapes, barreled and aged into vintage memories. You end up going back to some of your favorites along the way — not even realizing of memories yet to come … sometimes life changing, sometimes heart breaking, and sometimes .. well, there are those quiet moments you just can’t let go of – and you’ll wish you could stay just a little while longer.

I have a few of those places and I think of them often…a cocktail with one of my best friends at the Carousel, a glass of bubbly and a breathtaking view at Treveri, a slice of gourmet pizza and heaven (as another bestie would say) at Dineen, a glass of my favorite Riesling while my mind wanders amongst the duck pond and also where I almost always hear a good story told by none other than the Wine Goddess herself, neighborhood Christmas parties at Two Mountain, old and new friendships formed at Whisper – I will always remember that place as Whisper, and the wine (especially the Syrah) – will always be some of my favorite too! A cheerful smile and friendly conversation at Cultura..and that vineyard tour and Irish tales at Owen Roe .. I’ve only mentioned a few, and could easily go on ..but I won’t spoil it for the rest who have yet to fall in love with YOU – The Yakima Valley, just as I have over the last 9 years.

I hated that saying “You’ll find true love when you stop looking,” especially when I was still single. But, it’s true – I really wasn’t looking to fall in love with this Valley. I knew plenty (born and raised here) that detest it… and yet… they still stay. That’s fine, because I’ve seen more people who live here, who go to school and come back to live here, who love this Valley just like I’ve come to love it… and they outnumber all of those Negative Nancy’s. I’ve found myself defending you – more often times than not – to strangers, to friends of friends, to others who need to hear it and heck – some of them have moved away, and they can stay away… in fact, they can just continue with keeping Portland weird and never come back – because they don’t deserve you!

Sometimes I wish that I hadn’t fallen so hard for you – it would have been easier to walk away. But, you touched my heart with 300 days of sunshine, fresh picked blue berries, some of the best wine varietals .. ever, more friends than a girl could ask for, and cherished vintage memories that I will keep close and think on when I’ve had a rough day and could easily go for a “5:01” – yet even another memory that brings a smile to my face.

My last week here was bittersweet – I started thinking about all my “lasts” – my last late night drink with friends downtown, my last happy hour with Steph at our favorite spot, my last swim in the pool, my last cup of coffee with neighbors and a visit with the cat we share, my last walks at lunch with friends from previous jobs, my last Monday morning meeting – the banter between John & Mike…and Rich.. and especially Brynn – well, goodness – I’ll miss all the banter, my last FAM Tour, my last sunset in my own backyard, my last scenic drive home…and honestly my hardest “last” – was saying goodbye to you. I’m still not over you…I talk about you all of the time. While waiting in line at the Oregon DMV, I talked you up to someone who mentioned that her son just moved to Olympia… Well, who cares about Olympia, I immediately filled her in on Wine Country and all of your charms – needless to say, she and her son now have plans to meet you. My husband just laughs with a “You just can’t turn it off, can you?!” And the answer is – I guess not. But, these vintage memories you’ve given me are priceless and that is what I’ll choose to think of when I say my last goodbye.

That Date You Want to Forget

“Your husband’s birthday is on March 22nd?” I could tell by the look on her face that she wasn’t a fan of that day.  I smile, thinking to myself – not only is it his birthday, but it was also the day he proposed to me in 2008.  There are definitely some happy memories attached to that particular date for me.  “That was my wedding anniversary, I try to forget that date,” she said, sipping on her cup of coffee…and still looking slightly disgusted. I  suggest that she simply replace that date with a happier memory.. in which she tells me that this date is actually her new dogs birthday – and the moment she starts talking about her dog, she too is smiling..and we leave the break room with our own daily To Do’s and (most importantly) a full cup of coffee in hand. But, I kept thinking about our conversation…is there a day for me, that I wish I could forget?

For me, the date is Sept 11th – It’s a date we are all familiar with – the innocent lives that were taken, the sadness, the loss, the realization that even the United States is not completely protected from such violent acts of terrorism. On that day, I was supposed to be working at the Alaska Airlines Reservations Center in Boise. But, for some reason – I actually took my allotted day off and slept in until at least 10AM. I remember getting up and turning on the television to watch a re-run of 90210, but every channel I turned to had the same scene. When I saw the plane crash into the Twin Towers, I just assumed that this was some preview for a new movie or something -obviously, I was not paying attention, or maybe I was still processing as I continued to mindlessly flip through the channels. But when I stopped, and listened to what the reporter was saying.. and I read the headlines on the bottom of the screen, it was only then that I realized what had just happened.  Now, fast forward 12 years later on that same day – September 11.  I’ve just returned to working at PNWU after being gone for .. lets just call it a short” 3 Month Sabbatical” I was in the midst of answering emails from students, updating 4th year schedules, and doing credential checks .. when I received an email that would change this day, for me, forever. It has been almost 4 years and still – when I think of that day, well – I wish I could forget it.

Honestly, I can’t remember all of the words of that dreaded email, but I do remember thinking to myself – she is gone. And then – my last moments with her flashed before my eyes. It was just 3 months ago, her door was open (it was always was) and I was telling her about how excited I was to come back to PNWU.  I always loved working with her in OPP.  I loved watching her  instruct the students during their labs – she really cared about them, and it showed. She always had the best stories. Her office was right next door to Dr. E’s. She called him “Her boyfriend”.. even though they were really married .. for awhile, some faculty members honestly thought that she was married AND had a boyfriend..in which she decided was just as entertaining as any other rumor at PNWU. Our conversations were always something I enjoyed. She was so easy to talk to, and for being recognized as one of the best OBGYN’s in the nation, she was also one of the most down to earth, genuine and sincere people I have ever met in my life.She knew what to say when I was stressed, or when I needed a good laugh, she helped lighten the load of the all familiar and yet very annoying “office politics” and I’ll never forget the sweet way she would say “Come on in chicky!”She would clear a seat for me to sit down and sometimes I would be in there for a few minutes… and sometimes, depending on how good the story was .. I might end up staying a little longer.

That day, when I went to see her – I knew she had been sick. But, she was very private, and often joked, telling us about her vacationing at “The Spa”- She had another “Spa” visit planned and promised me I would see her  again before Christmas. I gave her a hug goodbye and looked forward to her return. Staring at that email, I felt like I wasn’t ready to accept this news of her passing. I stepped outside my office to refill my coffee cup..on my way to the kitchen, my co-worker Sarah walked towards me and said, “I just read the email about Dr. T..You worked closely with her, didn’t you?!” I nodded my head, fighting back the tears, as she gave me a hug. She hugged me. I felt the sting of a few tears trickling down my face. That’s when it truly hit me .. she isn’t coming back for Christmas and our visit last summer in her office – was my last goodbye to her. I do remember the email saying it was Dr. T’s own wishes that students/faculty and staff were not distracted by this, and that the students needed to focus on their studies..now was not the time to mourn. Even with her last breath – she continued to think of others. Her husband (aka boyfriend) gave the key note that year at Graduation. Since I’ve known him, he has always been on point and eloquent with everything he said.  Well, that year – as he ended his key note with the words, “My Wife and I are proud to present the Class of 2014” – there was not a dry eye in sight! It’s as if she were there – and this was the moment when all of us could finally let down our gaurd, even he (who never loses composure) shed a few a tears..and it was just for that moment, but it was enough – to mourn her loss together – and celebrate the success of these students – in which SHE was part of – every step of the way.

I don’t have another memory to replace for that day – I’m not sure I ever will. I know there are plenty of other experiences I’ve had that were challenging, and sometimes even the days leading up to an actual event or decision – like the day I finally decided to break up with my boyfriend.. and he tells me he has cancer.. in which I prolong the break-up for another year..because he told me his news first, and well.. I just couldn’t do it.  Or those many times, when I tell someone goodbye, and I don’t know when I’ll see them again – I always worry, what if that’s my last time? … Or even the ONE day a year, when I get my flu shot, and the thought of a needle touching my skin is enough to put me over the edge.. well, these experiences – as much as they stand out in my mind, they don’t really have a specific date tied to them that I can recall. So for now – Sept. 11 is it. I ask my husband the same question  – “Do you have a date you wish you could forget?” Nope – he’s got nothing. He lives his life one day at a time, with no regrets… although, he is turning 40 soon.. we will see if his answer changes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Our Morning

via Photo Challenge: Morning

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The alarm goes off at 5:30AM..but she sleeps..
because this is her husband’s wake up call.
At 6:00AM another alarm goes off
I can hear it beeping from outside ..
This is the alarm I am most excited about.
Still half asleep, she pulls her blonde hair back into a ponytail.
A pair of running shorts, some ankle socks and a t-shirt..

A few steps down the stairs .. I spot her first!
I see her through the french glass doors..
Every morning, before she does anything else,
She reaches for a coffee cup and lets the Keurig do its job.
Then, it’s my most favorite part – she sees me!
I’m waiting for her every morning –
I  jump up and down as she grabs her favorite pair of running shoes!

I stretch my short little paws against the glass door..
and give it a few licks.. waiting in anticipation as I see her lace up
and reach for the pink-polka dot leash!
Sometimes, when my big sister is still sleeping –
She will take JUST me for a run around the nature trail.
But, for the most part – the three of us spend our mornings together.
It’s our time – and it’s my favorite part of the day.

I like to run out into the field.. do my normal sniffing and bird chasing..
and come right back so I can enjoy her pets – she gives the best pets.
She waits for my sister .. who takes more time ..
We all walk back to the house together –
We play tug-o-war with the rope..
She throws my favorite ball – just for me.
She drinks her coffee – and pets that cat..

She reflects on the day and what it has yet to offer.
That cat tries so hard to distract her .. from me!
I stand up on my hind legs – she loves it when I do this!
She can’t ignore me now..that cat will  just have to wait..
I know he doesn’t like me – and still – I can’t contain myself
He and I will have our own little chat when she leaves…
But for now – It’s our morning together.

 

 

A Letter to: My Younger Self

This morning I read the most fascinating blog by Amy Jo Martin titled “A Letter to My Younger Self”  After reading her entry, it made me think of what I would tell my younger self, and so .. here I am .. writing a letter to my younger self.

YoungHeather

Dear Young Heather Isabel,

As I write this letter – I can’t begin to tell you what an interesting future you have to look forward to.  So, I’m hoping that my advice now will help you navigate and understand why things happen the way they do – everything really does happens for a reason – you will learn this (probably closer to your mid-twenties) but I’ve thought about it all day, pondering experiences yet to come, feelings & emotions that have led my heart to so much more.  And, so – these are my words to you, Young Heather.

Don’t ever get too comfortable with your surroundings.  You’ll live in many different houses, attend quite a few schools and meet all sorts of new friends.  You’ll get used to being the “new girl” – and being stared at, whispered about, because you are the “new girl” – and you’ll grow accustom to this.  And, as soon as you’ve finally started to fit in, it will be time to move again.  Don’t be too shy or care about what those mean girls say … because years from now – those same girls will have a fate of their own, and you’ll outshine each and every one of them.

You’ll make many lasting friendships throughout Junior High / High School and you’ll even succeed in keeping them – leaving some of these friends behind will seem so devastating, but just know that you will be reunited with some of these friends – most likely when you are an adult, but you’ll have such a close bond with them, time won’t matter – you will pick up right where you left off and reminisce about those crazy slumber parties and watching reruns of 90210, getting ready for dances, prank phone calls and endless games of “Truth or Dare” and talking all about … BOYS!

Speaking of boys — You do have a few crushes as a teen.. although, your family tends to move in the most remote, rural areas .. the selection is pretty minimal especially since you are definitely NOT into Wranglers, Ropers or COWBOYS… but, don’t worry – there is always “one” you are smitten for – you’ll have the most amazing dance .. to one of the longest slow songs ever “Wind of Change” .. You’ll fall hard for a blonde hair / blue eyed boy who lives clear across the country (Well, Texas) – You’ll think (even at 16) “He is the one..because he said that he loves me” – but, he’s not “the one” Don’t get discouraged – you have plenty of time to find your Prince Charming – but it won’t happen until you have all the pieces to your puzzle.

There will be lots of times where you will feel absolutely alone.. because even though you are not being neglected, you have a roof over your head, parents & siblings.. you will still always feel like there is a part of you missing.  There will be many nights, you’ll spend by yourself, looking at the stars .. asking questions you don’t have answers to. Don’t stop asking those questions.  You might feel alone right now, but there are so many friends / relatives that you have yet to meet – who love you & haven’t forgotten about you.

Your 20’s are filled with many trial & errors… along with quite a few “firsts” – your very first serious boyfriend.. 2 years will seem like such precious time lost (when it doesn’t work out) but, you will learn what not to look for in the next relationship.  You’ll also finally get those braces & a $3,000 smile and even a drivers license, your first car (a 1990’s Honda Civic)… all of which were a long time coming! You’ll have choices to make .. choices that often come with ultimatums. Be true to yourself, and when you meet your father – consider everyone who will be affected by this decision, but more importantly – be true to yourself.  You’ve waited your whole life to meet him, and you deserve this – this is the last piece of your puzzle you’ve been missing. And when you see your Uncle Tim, give him a big hug for me – make sure and really get to know him – cherish those visits with him and your dad together. Don’t forget about the few times you’ve spent with him, visits at his house – because your time with him will be short and end quite abruptly. I wish–I wish I would have known more about my Uncle, who he was – his smile could light up any room and his laugh was contagious.. I never knew about the pain he suffered and the hard life he quietly lived.. January 2nd will never be the same for me again.. so enjoy the time you have with this guy, your Uncle Tim.

Although you would love to live in a world that is black & white… because that is how you operate best and there is no grey, it’s not always that simple, and sometimes – there is grey – the parts of life that just don’t have easy answers.  Don’t be hasty or quick to judge – stop and think about how you’ll respond before acting out of anger, sadness, or any other emotion…because, words can hurt .. and once they are said – you can’t take them back.  These hurtful words, they won’t be forgotten..in fact, there will be some days that you’ll be reminded of those times you felt so small..you’ll remember the screaming and the yelling..and the hurtful words that were inflicted on you…and in that moment, you’ll take every single word to heart…you’ll blame yourself for the decisions others have made, you’ll feel responsible for broken relationships. When you find yourself at that point – just know that (truly) this isn’t how your story ends…and sometimes your world must fall apart before it can be put back together.  But, learn from these experiences – No, the world is not always black & white and sometimes there is more “grey” than you’d like to acknowledge.  It’s okay, because if you just breathe, step away from the situation at hand, and remember that He has a plan for your life, He always has.. you’ll figure it out, and all the pieces will come together in God’s time.

There are many experiences that you’ll try to shy away from – mostly out of fear. Please, don’t be afraid to travel…outside of the United States..you won’t visit Europe until your in your 30’s – but once you do -you’ll immediately have the Travel Bug, and you’ll continue to look forward to your next adventure. Don’t be afraid to try new foods..and Chinese & Mexican food don’t count! You’ll move to Seattle for awhile, and you’ll get schooled by your 3 year cousin Isabel as she requests Indian food for her Birthday Dinner.. and you (at age 25) have no idea what that even entails! Don’t be afraid to get lost – you are actually very good at this (but it scares you to death) and inherently “directionally challenged” But, don’t worry – a nice little device called the GPS will do it’s best to help you find  your way.  Don’t be afraid to try new things -go back to school, learn how to ski or snowboard (you’ll like skiing more!), try out a few different careers until you finally find the right one, try anything that is out of your comfort zone – because that is what helps build confidence.  Don’t be afraid to make mistakes .. we are all human and we are not perfect.  You are your worst critic at times, and you WILL learn from these mistakes, you’ll come out a much stronger and wiser person from these lessons learned.

Most importantly – Don’t be afraid to (really) fall in love.. fall in love with the places you visit, the people you meet, the many sunsets and sunrises, the first sight of falling snow, and the last leaf that turns gold.. and when you spot that empty aisle seat while walking onto the Crimson Rooter Bus, don’t even hesitate – just sit next to him.. because that 2 hour drive to Seattle will change the course of your life and you will really fall in love.. this is where your story begins.. you don’t know this yet, but you’ve just met the man of your dreams – the man you’ll marry, the man you’ll spend the rest of your life with.

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It’s a good life and all that you’ll endure .. the good .. the bad .. the uncertain.. it will be worth it in the end – I promise.  Your future is bright and I believe in you – so don’t give up on yourself just yet.

~Heather

 

 

 

 

 

 

Right Now: A Moment in Time

Daily Post Challenge: For this week’s challenge, take a moment to notice your now, and share a photo of it. Perhaps it is something imperfect, or mundane, or under-appreciated. Maybe it is a simple moment, or maybe it is something grand; we can’t wait to see!

NowBlogPost

Right now, I’ve just finished putting together my final package for the Christmas season. It won’t arrive on time – actually, it will probably be a week late, but right now – I’m thinking of that moment – when the last card is stamped, the last gift is wrapped, and the last batch of cookies are decorated.  It’s that moment when I stop to think about this season – with all of it’s festivities and rushing around from one event to the next..it’s so easy for me to stress over the small things and lose sight of the big things.. It’s moments like these .. while staring at this last package, I’m reminded of what truly matters, especially right now.

I’m reminded of  a stroll around downtown with my husband.. admiring all of the beautiful lights, children & their parents lined up for the horse & carriage ride, the smell of spiced cider, mulled wine.. and the sound of Christmas music echoing down the street. I talk him into stopping for one last snapshot – capturing the evening and our time together.

I’m reminded of a missed call .. in which (between cookie batches) I called back, only to be amused by stories from New Mexico, new roommate mishaps, snow days, and someone whom I’ve watched grow up tremendously, find their passion – and make light of new experiences/adventures. Just recently, I had doubted my own talents and capabilities… and after this impromptu phone call, I realized the limitations I was setting upon myself.

I’m reminded that..as my boss would say, “Shift Happens” … as I changed my plans completely for Thanksgiving this year.  Deciding that we really needed to go – a reminder of making time for family because what if this is the last time I see them? Life is full of unexpected happenings, and sometimes you just never know when the last time.. will be the last time. I left that evening with my heart full of love, stories yet to be told, and determination to come back and visit again – soon!

As I sit here, in my living room .. and look at all of the decorations on my tree, each ornament has a memory of its own.. my mantel adorned with a few nativity scenes, our stockings, some candles.. and the Christmas movie that is halfway over .. I’m absolutely content and will remember this moment, right now.