Hi, Mom!

Daily Prompt: Hi, Mom!: Today is Mother’s Day in the United States. Wherever in the world you are, write your mother a letter.

  

Hi Mom,

I probably never told you this, but this picture – it’s one of my favorites.  Infact, I remember the day we stood there together – in the backyard of that house on  Thompson street. I remember you looking at me.. just how you are in that picture, with such love and gentleness in your eyes.  You (I’m sure) adored me .. loved me unconditionally.  We had no differences back then … I was the apple of your eye, we spent our summers out by that pool of the apartment complex – I remember you telling me – I could have been that little girl on the front of the Coppertone suntan lotion bottle .. and I’m sure that it’s because of you – that I tan so easily (hardly ever burn) every single summer.  You are the reason I love my sunshine, my flip-flops, a nice warm breeze and especially a relaxing horseback ride to finish up those perfect summer evenings… which have been replaced with a stroll around the golf course or nature trail with Nate .. not quite the same, but those rides with you – I’ll cherish.

Do you remember that day you took me to get my nails done?  I do – I was in the 5th grade.  We were on our way to Stefanie Lalande’s birthday party – it was a sleepover.  I had my “Truth or Dare” game in hand, my sleeping bag & pillow.. thinking we were headed straight to her house, instead .. pulled up to a salon.  ”Heather we are going to go & get our nails done .. ”  I remember picking out my color – it was a translucent pink .. I watched as my nails were trimmed, filed and painted .. and you, alongside me – also getting your nails done .. I felt so special, having that time with you .. knowing it was just the two of us, me – experiencing my very first manicure with my mom .. knowing that after this moment .. there would be more of those manicures to come.  And now – whenever I go to get my nails done – it’s you that I think of.  I remember arriving at Stefanie’s house, feeling so proud, telling everyone where I had just been .. and showing off my perfectly manicured nails! It was and still is one of my favorite memories.  

Do you remember this day? High School Graduation – I couldn’t have been happier, and you were there – to cheer me on.  You were so proud of me that day! This was the start of something new – I was almost 18, thought I had all of the answers .. like any other graduating senior does .. But, this was just the beginning .. Still, you stood by me – encouraged me to follow my dreams. It was so hard – telling you goodbye that day at NCC.  We had spent the whole drive over from Idaho to Eugene, Oregon – you telling me not to go out at night, it’s not safe – and if I did, I better wear that flashlight with the whistle around my neck .. and if I was scared at all, to blow on that whistle.  You helped me unpack my side of the room, not knowing if we would have enough space, but you made it work.  You filled an entire container full with snacks, incase I got hungry and needed something to eat.  I remember dreading that moment when you and everyone else left – there was nothing more to unpack, the boxes were empty, and it was time.. it was a terrible feeling .. seeing you leave.  This was before cell phones, email or instant messaging.. and I worried about how I would manage without you, without our evening chats outside on the front porch, our rides into town, our time together.  That first night – being in a new place, I’ll never forget.. I was so used to falling asleep to pure darkness… as I did, living in that house in Harrison out in the country, so quiet and so dark .. with the exception of the crickets .. and the stars.  lying in bed that night – with the sound of college students outside my window.. and the fluorescent light of a street lamp shining through my window, I knew my life had changed.  And, I had to experience just a few more things in life before really figuring out what it was I wanted to do… coming back home for a “break” that turned into “6 years” — I met some amazing people along the way, who helped me figure out what & who was missing … I soon decided I wanted to finish what I had started, my education, and I wanted to know all of my family.

When I decided I wanted to go back to school … we weren’t exactly on speaking terms … because along with going back to school .. I had also chosen to reunite with my grandmother  aunts, uncles, cousins.. and many other relatives I had not seen since I was 9 years old .. and most importantly I found my real dad.  We seemed to work  through those differences (a little) .. but something happened in between the College graduation (in which you attended… you were there … but your mind was elsewhere, and I was sure to hear all about it on my special day – the day I had been waiting 4 years to enjoy) … It was that day – you had already decided in your own mind that you would not be attending my wedding… because I could not promise you that “The Others” would not speak to you or the rest of the family.  Sometimes, if I had to do it over again, I would have opted for you to skip my graduation and come to see me get married.  And in some ways – I wish you could have just been there for both of these very important days of my life – that I’ll never do over again.  Why couldn’t you just set aside all differences for one day, and watch your daughter get married .. on the happiest day of her life.  Why did you have to post such a mean comment on Facebook, proclaiming how HAPPY you were that I would be changing my last name? Was that truly necessary? Was it truly necessary to make a point of what a great time you were having that day with your sister, barbecuing .. not making one mention of your own daughter getting married .. because, I wonder sometimes, if you were worried about what others might think – what would you tell them if they had asked.. why you weren’t at your own daughter’s wedding?  Oh, I’m sure you would come up with something to justify why you didn’t attend .. because, yes, that’s right – it was MY FAULT you weren’t there … because I CHOSE to have ALL of my family (who wanted to be there) watch me marry the love of my life.. that’s right.  To say that I’m deeply hurt over this.. is such an understatement, you’ll never know just how bad you really hurt me by not being there – and it is something that I will NEVER do to my own kids – regardless of circumstances I may agree or disagree with.. because that’s what you do when you are a parent .. you put your own feelings aside and let them have that moment. Although I am still sad that you chose not to come, I have forgiven you, and my anger and sadness is only for you – I’m sad for you, that you missed that day.  In the end, I can honestly say, it was a beautiful wedding and those who attended wanted to be there and that is what mattered.  I would have loved for you to be there, but you weren’t – and well, as the old saying goes, “It is what it is.”

It has been nearly 4 years since we’ve really spoken – and there are some days that I miss you .. that I have to think back to that “last time” .. having coffee together, laughing together, telling stories together … shopping together.. as the years go by, I’ve been so blessed with the friendships I’ve made … and today, on Mother’s Day … as I look through the pictures of moms & their daughters .. I’m reminded of how lucky I am to have these amazing mothers in my own life.  They’ve taken me in as one of their own .. and when I’m having those days … where I’m missing you – they are the ones who step in .. and they are the ones to remind me that even though you might not be speaking to me, you do still love me – because really, you just can’t help yourself.  I will always remember the fun times we had together – and someday, I really do hope that instead of responding to a daily prompt on my blog site that I’ll be able to pick up the phone and tell you Happy Mother’s Day.  But today – as I write this letter that you may or may not ever see .. I just want to tell you Happy Mother’s Day, I do love you mom..I always will.. because quite honestly, I just can’t help myself either.  And – finding that picture of us .. way back when a few days ago – really made me miss you.  Incase you wanted to know, I’m doing really well .. Nate and I are happy together – he is so good to me, and he loves me .. he would do anything for me .. we are a good fit for each other, and I’m excited for the life we are living .. and all that we still have to look forward to.

Happy Mothers Day – Heather

In Love … In Leavenworth

Every once in awhile, it’s fun to take a little car ride and enjoy a change in scenery… even if it’s just a day.  Last weekend, we ventured out to Leavenworth, Washington.  I had just transitioned my closet from fall/winter to spring/summer apparel and  I could hardly wait to wear my  J.Crew white cotton shorts with the embroidered pink tennis rackets.  My husband (who had been ready hours before me) didn’t even hesitate to tell me I was crazy for wearing shorts, and please, promise him that I would bring along a pair of jeans.  I (of course) had already decided that since it was April, it was supposed to be Spring and if I had to wear my spring clothing to will this weather into some sort of sunshine, well then – that is what I would do! … I did bring the jeans, just in case they “might” be needed.

We arrived in Leavenworth around lunchtime, our hotel room would not be ready for a few hours .. so it was time for some window shopping.  We hadn’t been in the first little shop for more than ten minutes, and my husband had already scoured the downstairs and upstairs .. while I was still just barely making it through the entryway.  I enjoy taking my time, looking closely at all of the trinkets, and this place had LOTS of them to look at.  Nate was quick to learn all about the “Taste of Leavenworth” booklet.  This was the first time Leavenworth had opened this event up to all vendors/businesses, not just wineries.  This month is known for pear harvesting, and so each shop who participated incorporated something with a pear.  The booklet was $25 and it had more free food than Nate and I could ever eat! We tried our hardest – to use the majority of the coupons.  Once the map of Leavenworth was in Nate’s hands  – it was as if he were on a mission  .. or a scavenger hunt.. to find these places and redeem his coupons! Needless to say, we discovered some of the best food and shopping that we would have never ever thought to check out, but this booklet was a great source for trying out new places and visiting with some of the nicest people.
  

After only making it through about half of our booklet full of coupons, we decide that the Orbital Inn will be our last stop.  We must try out the free belgian waffles with a pear & caramel glaze and whipped cream.  I’m not sure how I managed to eat more food, I was already beyond the “food coma” stage.. but, Nate and I shared a waffle and it was pretty amazing and worth every extra calorie .. that I certainly did not need that day.  Our hotel was just down the street from the Orbital Inn.. It was getting close to 4:00PM – an afternoon of walking and eating .. and now, maybe a quick cat nap before heading off to the film festival.  We stayed at the Leavenworth Village Inn, upgraded to the Romantic Suite .. so glad that we did.  The room was beautiful and the jacuzzi tub & fireplace added an extra indulgence to our daycation.

   

We had never been to a film festival in Leavenworth, but it was $5 and just a few minutes away from our hotel.  I really had no idea what to expect.. The program said the films were supposed to start at 6:30PM, but it started closer to 8:00PM.  Nate and I stayed for the first half, watched about 12 short films, and decided to leave during the intermission… Instead of going back to our room, we took a stroll around Leavenworth.  The sun was gone, and the stars were out, and  – I was very glad that I had brought those jeans to change into! Walking around this little town with Nate.. holding hands.. enjoying the quietness.. it reminded me of when the two of us were still in college.  Oh, how I loved our evening strolls around campus together.  And, this .. this moment will be one of my favorite memories of us.  I know, something so simple as a walk around a tiny little town.. and a spontaneous stop for an apple strudel filled crepe … where we sat and talked about our day, our favorite foods we tried, our new favorite places, the places we would stop in “next time” …. the films we enjoyed most at the festival and what we really liked about them .. the ones that didn’t quite make much sense .. the ideas I had for the blog I would write about Leavenworth when I got home .. such random topics of thought, but still cherished just the same, because it was time spent together.

  

The next morning, Nate opened our window .. to SNOW! I could hardly believe it.  We watched (amazed) from inside our room .. I had wanted to do a little more shopping before going home, but wasn’t sure what the roads would look like. So, we packed our stuff up and stopped at Starbucks for a coffee.. oh and the Taffy store of course .. and two hours later, we were back home .. to sunshine!  It was truly a beautiful weekend – I enjoyed every minute of it.  We are lucky to have Leavenworth .. to have each other .. to be in Love … to be in Love in Leavenworth.

Hand & Hand .. enjoying our drive home together.

Perfect Sunset to end such a perfect weekend.

 

When Your Number Is Up

When Your Number Is Up

“How do I look?”   I asked my husband, walking down the stairway in a pink & white gingham striped sleeveless dress, paired with a dark navy corduroy blazer and black heels.  He gazed in my direction, a half smile, and a “You look nice.” I recognized this unconvincing tone in his voice. I knew what he was thinking.  He was thinking my outfit was not depressing enough to wear to such an event. “The dark jacket makes the outfit funeral appropriate,” he said… Again, his tone was unconvincing, and I looked back at him disapprovingly.  “Well, I just can’t dress in all black with no pop of color.” We had just finished celebrating my husband’s 36^th birthday with his family, and I was switching gears, and attending a memorial service for a friend who lost her husband.  I hadn’t been to a service like this since Jr. High when my step-grandma passed away.  I vaguely remember my own feelings back then, but I do remember the sadness of my stepdad, probably one of the only times I had ever seen him cry.

I arrived at the JA World Facility, pulling into the parking lot, 15 minutes early, as promised to V. – I told her I would help with the cookie/coffee table.  I had walked and drove past this facility on several occasions.  The parking area always seemed so excessive, empty and unused. But today, there wasn’t enough space.  This is when I really wished I would have at least tried to master my skills in parallel parking.  I managed to find a small empty spot in front of the mailbox.  The entry way was lined with 6 men of all ages, wearing the same style of hat – the Derby hat, in honor of their friend/relative… A symbol of how they remembered him. His favorite sports car, parked in visible sight next to the front doors… also a symbol of who he was and what he enjoyed.  Once inside, I quickly made my way toward to the room with refreshments.  This was my way of “being there” for my friend… it would be the best maintained cookie & coffee station ever! A. also joined me, “I do better at these types of things if I have a job” she tells me.  I felt better, knowing I wasn’t the only one who used cookie/coffee duties to cope with the real issue at hand.  To our surmise, the cookies and coffee stand were already set up, looking perfect, each tray aligned, each set of refreshments displayed as if they were just waiting to share their condolences with all who would partake them. It was then that it dawned on me that this station didn’t need any tending and wouldn’t be in use until after the service was over. “Well, I think we should stand in line and sign the book.” She tells me.

The line moved at a slow pace, giving us a moment to view the poster boards filled with pictures of him and the life he lived… the memories he shared with his wife, his children, his grandchildren, his friends. These were his memories.  I stare at a candid picture taken at his wedding and I notice the joy in his eyes, the love in her eyes.  I can’t help but think about their life together. They met later in life, and were married for 13 years.  I think to myself, that is only four more years longer than I’ve known and been married to my husband.  What would I do different if I knew I had only four more years to spend with my own husband? How would I change? What would we talk about? What memories would I cling to most? What would I add to our Bucket List? My thoughts are interrupted as the line splits in two – there are two lines to sign the book – just like the parking lot, not one book could hold the many individuals who came to pay their respects.  I walk closer to the entrance of the memorial, and my hand shakes as I sign my name … I sign my name as a friend who was there … my only regret, I wish I had known her & her husband sooner in life, I wish I could have been there to sign the wedding guest book … and not so much this one.  I walk into the very open auditorium, filled with several occupied seats. This facility is normally used to educate kids about the job industry and the different fields of work. Mock store fronts of McDonalds, Bob Hall’s Auto, Fiesta Foods, Yakima Regional, and Solarity bank align the sides of each wall. In the center – the memorial for her husband and just to the right, a large projector screen hangs from the ceiling with a slide show of more pictures of him and the life he once had.  I stand in the very back, almost afraid to walk all the way in, this is the part where I realize I’m attending a service and unlike signing the sympathy card with the rest of my co-workers, I’m here facing the reality of a loss. That someday, I know, I too will also experience.  I look over the top of each head, hoping to find my friends H. & C.  She always has such a calming effect during these types of situations. She can handle just about any circumstance, so as long as it does not involve animals, and that is what I love about her. I know I could go to her with just about anything, and she would help me look at it logically and point me in the right direction.  I decide that maybe I’ll just hang out in the back.  I no sooner make that decision and A. (who I walked in with) is motioning for me – she has found 2 empty seats.

As I take my seat, and stare up at the picture slide show, the soothing, yet surreal “Enya like” music envelops me, along with all of the scented perfumes… that blend together. This is one instance that I’m actually glad I chose to leave my home fragrance free.  I open up the program and read the following poem:

God Saw You Getting Tired
God saw you getting tired,
A cure was not meant to be.
So he put His arms around you,
and whispered come with me.
With tearful eyes we watched you suffer,
and saw you fade away.
Although we loved you dearly,
we could not make you stay.
A golden heart stopped beating,
Hard working hands to rest,
God broke our hearts to prove to us,
He only takes the best.

Its bittersweet message left me feeling unsure and sad for my friend’s loss.  I tried to focus my mind on “He only takes the best.”  I looked around the room, hundreds of people all here to celebrate him, and the wonderful life he lived, the various individuals he influenced, the lives he changed for the better.  I thought to myself, it’s true HE does take the BEST! The music quietly ended on one last note and the Officiate (his best friend) took the podium and began the service.

A candle lighting started the service, 3 men (relatives) and his wife.  Each candle stood for something different.  I don’t remember all 4, but I do remember hers – it stood for love.  The kind of love that is unending, that keeps burning even after some would think is impossible.  This love burns in all perfection and never stops, always a reminder that he is there, in her heart, forever.  I watched her light the candle, clothed in black, wearing her own black Derby hat, the expression on her face, seemed so somber, yet the glow of the candle softened her eyes and the unending love she shared for him.

There was a moment of silence in honor of him.  A time for prayer, meditation, or reflection… a time to remember him.  Closing my eyes, I prayed for her, that God would give her peace and contentment, that he would fill any loneliness she might be feeling this very second. My heart broke for her, and I fought back my own tears… If she can be so strong right now, there’s no reason why I can’t be either. I need to hold it together, I can do this.

Next, two entries from his journal that she had chosen to share with the rest of us.  He was an avid writer, often known for his words, could have possibly written cards for all occasions. But this occasion was different, and his words were being read, to someone like me, who only met him a few times.  They say in the world of Poetry that you are supposed to make every word count.  As I listened to these journal entries – one about darkness and how he knew that those left behind had a rocky road ahead of them … and the one about love – written with her in mind, every kiss, he clung to – every adventure he cherished – every part of her – he loved  … as I listened, every single one of those words counted.  I imagine it’s like that in your final days of life.  You have to make every word count, unknowing if it could be your last.  I wondered, what would my last words would be to those I loved – to those I had lost from an argument, from those with differences in opinion or those who moved away physically or emotionally .. What I would I say to them?  Would I even waste a breath …I guess it’s at that moment you realize what is truly worth talking about and what isn’t.

After the entries were read, her son spoke to us, expressing his love for this man, who brought happiness into his mother’s life. He was thankful for him, thankful for that long “talk” about grandchildren & the importance of having them… a talk that he’ll always remember over a glass of soda, mixed in with Black Velvet… a talk that he will pass on to his own children when they get married and ponder the idea of  starting a family.  As he finishes up his story, he apologizes for not being dressed in appropriate attire, seeing that her husband served our country while in the marines, and her son being a sergeant in the Air force, he gracefully reaches for the flag, wrapped in a perfect triangle, “on behalf of the president of the United States,” he says to his mother, “I present you with this flag.” I watch her take the flag and hold it to her heart, my heart stopping for a moment, tears stream down my face. This is a man who served his country, who became in pillar for others in education, in his family & friends circle, in his own life experiences, such a strong and positive influence, “This world will not be as sweet without him”, “He set the bar high for all of the men here today” “He changed my life, and I’m a better man because of him” “He will be talked about to my two year old son, who won’t remember his grandpa the way my daughter will”  These are the words I’ll remember while testimonies of this man were given.

His son was one of the last to speak.  He looked up to his father, often thought of him as his own Johnny Fire Super Hero.  They shared a love for comic books and some of his fondest memories go back to these comic books.  As he talked about his father, his honesty portrayed a young boy who definitely looked up to his dad, who watched him conquer the odds, and succeed regardless of the circumstance. It also portrayed human nature, and how sometimes it’s the people who are closest to us who can hurt us the most.  He felt as if the same super powers, in which the rest of his father’s world loved, were the same super powers that gave him the blisters and burns in his own life. He admitted to a broken relationship, unreturned phone calls, unopened letters in the trash can.  He was thankful he listened to his mother in making an effort to mend that relationship, and he was thankful for his father’s new wife, whom he compared to as his dad’s Professor X, who helped in “taming the fires”. . and using his super power to the fullest, setting aside differences, and having a relationship with his son.  His only regret – not having enough time, the time he lost during those unspoken words, during those disagreements that don’t make any difference now.  His advice to us – Life is too short, don’t hold grudges.  He was right, life and time itself is too short.  I thought about my estranged relationship with my mom…  What would I say? Would I be that honest with others, with myself? He finished his testament with apologizing for the “comic book” analogy… I could see it was his way of coping with his father’s death, making sense of it all in his own mind.

The service ended with a picture of him on the projector screen, sitting in the living room, his feet propped up, reading a book, looking content, looking happy… while a remake of “Somewhere over the Rainbow” played in the background – I’ll never think of that song the same.  The song ended, the picture disappeared, and the officiate thanked us for coming and offered the refreshments & coffee in the room next door.  I sat in my seat, watched some people head toward the refreshment room, some also still seated, consoling one another, some making their way up to see her.  I still hadn’t found H. or C. but I knew they were somewhere in the building.  I found the nearest bathroom, proceeding to wipe the smeared mascara from my face. I contemplated going to see her; I knew many others probably wanted to see her. Maybe I would wait until she came back to work, it would be easier and well, she was probably already so overwhelmed anyway.  As I walked out of the restroom, my heart told me, I needed to give her a hug.

The line, moving more quickly than the book signing, gave me a few minutes to give myself a little pep talk. I will give her a hug, tell her I love her, and I will hold it together. I will remember to “clench my butt”, as said by the officiate “It is nearly impossible to cry if your butt is clenched”, I will get through this without losing it. I walked past the flowers, the picture of him, the candles lit in his honor; there she was, still holding the flag that was given to her.  I stood there, almost speechless, she looked at me and said “I know, it was all so too soon” I choked on my own words, barely managing an “It was a beautiful service” my voice strained and quieter than I had ever heard myself.  I hugged her, not wanting to let go… not wanting to acknowledge my own heart that was breaking for her. I let go and quickly wiped my tears, told her I loved her, and walked away, hoping to find my friend H.  It was then that I wished that I didn’t wear my heart on my sleeve, passing a few co-workers, still teary-eyed.

H. & C. were in the back corner, where I had originally stood before the service started.  “Did you see his battle wounds” she asks me, pointing to C.’s banged up nose. “He got in a fight – with a 2×4, that is.  I start to laugh, distracting myself from all of the feelings and emotions I had experienced in the last hour. “Hey, don’t laugh at me, I’m standing right here” he says to me.  It’s then that the conversation is shifted to summer plans, a trip to that lake that we visited last summer, now filled with piranhas?! I watch others around me, laughing & visiting with each other.  All of them were here for the same reason, to celebrate a life that was definitely worth celebrating. The cookies and coffee, now being utilized, this is the part where it all ends.  This is the part where the “goodbyes” have been said, and now it’s time to remember and never forget, but it’s also time to move on … that is what he would have wanted for all who knew him, for all who he inspired.

As I drive home, I reflect on life… his life… her life… their life together.  He was her true love; he was her happily ever after.  How lucky she was to love and be in love with her very best friend.  I think about that saying “It is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.” They truly exemplify the meaning of true love.  This is the kind of love that I have for my husband. I send him a quick text, “I love you so much”, thinking to myself I shouldn’t be texting while I drive, but it’s just something I have to tell him right now.  I arrive home, and cry my eyes out all over again, explaining parts of the service that touched my heart the most.  We take a walk around the Nature Trail, holding hands, watching the sun set. It’s so quiet, and it’s just the two of us, and as we get closer to the end of our walk, he turns to me and says, “I love you Heather, and I would be so sad if anything ever happened to you.”  I smile, still emotional, I struggle myself to find the right words, “I love you too” We finish our walk with a sweet kiss and beautiful pink sky that fades as the also fades…

Later that evening, I get a text from H. asking if I’m okay.  I tell her the thoughts I’ve had and how this service truly made me think about things I never imagined.  “Write it down, your feelings from today,” she says. “These things pass so quickly in our minds.” I think about what she said, my phone buzzes, another text, “Write a journal of the day and how you feel about the situation and Nate.  It’s sure an eye opener about what we are or are not doing in life.” She was right.  I text her back, “You are right, I should write them down.”

-Heather Decker

 

Behind Closed Doors

 

Echos of innocent whispers
trail down the stairs into the kitchen
She’s told her two little girls
“No dressing up that kitten”
As she opens the closed-door,
A tiny kitty is dressed in jammies
tucked into a doll bed
fast asleep..
“Girls..”, she says.. they flash back identical smiles
“But mommy.. Sara wanted us to put her to sleep.”

It’s a quiet afternoon
A cup of coffee in her hand
and her two little boys
silently sleep..or so she thinks
As she opens the closed-door,
no longer bare, but a colorful mural
with a “toddler’s touch” of new model car paint..
as far as their little fingers could reach
they froze..
“Boys..”, she says.. no words from the guilty party
Nap time is over, curiosity has killed the cat.

Behind the closed-door
two little girls
will soon be grown,
no longer tucking in kitties
As she opens the closed-door,
her girls snuggle
the now “undressed” cat
who is lazily stretched
across an overstuffed pillow
they cherish their childhood memories
closing the door behind them,
A new chapter of life has just begun.

Behind the closed-door,
two little boys
will soon be grown,
No longer decorating doors,
As she opens the closed-door,
her son tucks in his own toddler for “nap time”
she’s proud of the man he has become
he understands unconditional love, being a parent,
to keep an eye out behind that closed-door.

“I’m sorry I colored on your cat,” she says.
in her sweet and innocent voice.
I try not to giggle, as my neighbor’s daughter apologizes.
My (once) white kitty happily walks toward me,
sporting a smurf colored ear ..

“When I opened the door .. well, she wanted to make him pretty,”
her mother sighed.. and my husband and I laugh.
“It’s okay”, we tell her .. still laughing at the cat.
For now, we can only imagine just what happens
Behind Closed Doors

-Heather Decker

A Walk Down Memory Lane.. Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013!

I can’t believe it has already been one year since I started this blog. I know that I didn’t post every single day, but I’m a strong believer in “quality” over “quantity”  But, I have actually made a New Year Resolution to (hopefully) make at least 1 post each month in the “creative” category and 1 post in the “Book Review / Misc” category. As I looked through my pictures from this past year, I was reminded of all the great times I had in 2012. This is a very casual blog posting for me, but I wanted to share with you .. some of my highlights of 2012.  Some months .. have more pictures than others … but all in all, each month was filled with lots of fun and laughter!

January 2012

Nate and I enjoy a kiss in the falling snow.

Destiny enjoys Zillah Lakes first Snow!

February 2012

Zillah Lakes Golf Cart Race

The “Socials” of Zillah Lakes

Loved wearing his old Letterman’s Jacket.

March 2012

She’s my baby!

Best Ever .. Zillah Lakes Murder Mystery Dinner

Fun Times!

April 2012

March of Dimes Walk, Yakima WA.

A small Dinner Party.. this is the dessert!

Spring Barrel 2012

May 2012

He loves his fruits..

Can I win it .. in a minute??

June 2012

Our European Vacation!

A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.. always is!

Lovers Lane, Paris

The English Garden

Why do I feel so small?

July 2012

 

Some day, I’ll go back!

Loved this little town!

..Not a good day..

Castle doors are big!

Germany Castles

August 2012

A Beautiful walk around the Zillah Lakes Nature Trail

Happy #3 Anniversary to us!

My Birthday with friends in Boise, Idaho

September 2012

Our new little kitty we rescued.

Beautiful flowers from my backyard.

Enjoying the Zillah Lakes Swimming Pool!

Finished my Scrapbook

Lovely summer day at Dineen Winery

My favorite neighbors, Zillah Lakes Pool Party.

Zillah Lakes Golf Scramble

October 2012

Hosted a Baby Shower for my Best Friend Alexis!

Alexis’s Baby Shower

Anti-Hello Kitty.. Noooo!!

Hello Kitty & Goodbye Kitty

Love these pink pumps!

November 2012

Macy’s Parade, Seattle WA.

I love Fall.

Getting ready to light up Zillah Lakes for Christmas

Sugar Cookies!

Thanksgiving at Aunt Dina’s House

Beautiful Table Setting!

December 2012

New Barbie Ornament

Snow on Christmas Day!

Tiffany’s Ornament, such a tradition, love my husband.

New Coffee Cup for the new year

Steve & I at the Zillah Lakes Christmas party.

Yes, our team won!!!

I love these ladies!

My Pink Tree

Christmas Decor

Tigger – our rescue kitty, he loves his new bed!

Love this time of year!

Mittens.. to add to my tree

Winter Wonderland

Happy New Year!

“What are you doing.. New Years Eve??”

Zillah Lakes Food Drive, raised over $140 in cash donations, and our food bin was overflowing!!! Success!!! I can’t wait for next year!!!

I look forward to this new year … 2013 and all of the great memories I have yet to make.

 

A Christmas To Keep

Underneath the silver moon
On a star filled night
Snowflakes silently swirl
Landing in the soft moonlight

I stare outside my window
In awe of this glorious sight
My Saint continues snoring
While her yard is turning white

Our kitty’s slumber soothers her
Snuggling against one BIG dog paw
They sweetly sleep together
Purring in dreams of sleigh rides and maybe some “Fa-La-La!”

I close my eyes for a moment
Reminiscing of Christmas Past
Snowmen, Stockings, and Santa
Oh, how we grow up so fast

And then there’s Christmas Future
A chance of new beginnings
And forgiveness of the heart
A chance to make things right
A chance for a brand new start

I’ve suddenly slipped back to Christmas Present,
With a kiss upon my cheek
He softly whispers, “I love you”
These are the Christmas memories
I will forever keep!

~Heather Decker
Christmas Card Poem 2012

His Glasses

Her pin board at work is kept tidy, just like her desk.  A small monthly calendar, hangs to the right of her computer. And to her left, a picture of her grandchildren with a pair of twisted gold metal eye glasses that dangle on the tack,  holding up the picture of three little smiling girls.  “What happened to those glasses?” a co-worker asks.

She wonders the same sometimes..
What was he thinking about that day?
That day she found  him confused, trying to remember who he was
Who he became, and why he couldn’t remember his own daughter’s name.
The day she found him with his glasses and his life tangled up
In the palm of his hands.

“They were my dad’s,” she responds, still staring at them, searching for answers of her own. She wonders what might have happened to the other missing lens and all of his memories, her memories, those memories they had together.
 

Sometimes, I see her looking at those glasses.. just for a moment or two. These are the glasses her dad wore.  He experienced life wearing these glasses…watching his daughter grow up in these glasses, seeing his grandchildren through these glasses, and capturing many sunsets while out on his daughter’s farm and heartfelt talks on their porch with these glasses. These spectacles hold all of the memories he couldn’t fully remember. And yet, there are so many stories that still remain for the daughter who stares back at them during the course of  her day.
“I suppose  it’s silly to keep these glasses hanging at my desk,” she says out loud, questioning her own reasons for not taking them down. These glasses, once just used by her father as a daily item he wore, have transformed into a sentimental piece of her day.  It reminded  me of the empty perfume bottle my Aunt kept, as the faint scent was that of her Grandmother Isabel and held the same sentiment.  “I think you should keep them up,” I tell her.  I know she has already decided, as she dusts them off, still wondering about that missing lens, and placing the glasses back in their rightful spot.

 

As the work day ends, she takes one last glance at the glasses, she misses him.  She misses their time together, having coffee in the mornings, picking blueberries in the summer, watching him play with his grandchildren… and his great-grandchildren.  She remembers the sound of his voice, his smile, his laugh, she remembers that day, waiting for the dial-a-ride and holding his hand, telling him that everything will be okay.  The sun was shining bright that day, she let him wear her sunglasses.. that moment always makes her laugh.  She walks out to her car, another day is done.  Opening her car door, a small plastic lens falls out; the “missing lens” is no longer missing.  She smiles once more, knowing although her father is not here, he is looking down on her right now.. without his glasses.