Ignorance Living In A Glass House

Her “About Me” section on Facebook:
She has 3 sons and 1 daughter
In them she sees the best..
She doesn’t believe in family who kicks her when she’s down
Nor does she believe in those who contest wills.

Ignorance is Bliss
She realized while she read her mother’s “About Me” section
her own existence had suddenly vanished .. from Facebook.
She realized that her siblings, like their mother, had done the same.
She remembered trying to stay in touch via text messages, sometimes phone calls,
a friend request, a plea, a Christmas card, a birthday present..
She had known in her heart, but to see it, to read it..
Maybe ignorance really is bliss.

Living In A Glass House
Perfection was never enough..graduating high school and finishing college..
dating and saving herself for  the “approved” boyfriend..
keeping or saying goodbye to the “approved” relationships.
She sought her “mother’s approval”in every area of her life..
she valued her mother’s approval and she feared her mother’s approval.
Maybe it was fear that kept her from such expectations not expected from others..
or did she just expect such behavior from them:
theft, alcoholism and drugs, promiscuity, going AWOL, jail time,
a child out-of-wedlock..
Is this  really the best she sees ..
disowning someone for seeking out their biological father,
believing a stranger .. who has stolen millions .. of someone elses estate,
Yes, people who live in glass houses.. certainly shouldn’t throw stones.

Living with Ignorance:
And to her little sister..
The remaining “1” daughter in her mother’s life..
Her little sister, whom she loves and will always love
Whom she will never judge, or harbor anything but love for
because they will always be sisters.
Her hope that someday she will see the world for herself, with her own eyes..
that she will make her own decisions – wrong or right, and learn from them.
that maybe she will decide one day, she is tired of pleasing, tired of trying, tired of perfecting ..
tired of living with Ignorance in a glass house.

-Heather Decker

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Ignorance Living In A Glass House

  1. patrick sanford says:

    Say what you want about all of us. We disowned you because youre a selfish, fake, crumby excuse of a sister and honestly i probably speak for the other siblings when I say i really couldn’t care less if you lived or died. We have made our mistakes like everyone else. We have an amazing nephew because of certain “mistakes” and I’m happily married to a very beautiful extremely sweet and smart woman who is a true sister to robbie, christian, and jill. Also i have a very good job making a salary that I’m confident is greater than you and your husband combined. But I’m a “screwup” apparently because I have made mistakes through life. You’re far from perfect so you really don’t have any room to say a single thing about any of us. I think its best that you just stop wasting your breath on here with all of these worthless blogs and just live your own life. If you are trying to get attention consider this you being noticed for being a complete and total bitch. I’m sorry that you feel the need to constantly fill your days time with writing things about people who have forgot about you years ago. It’s sad really. Well, I better sign off for now. You’re probably pretty pissed and flustered right now and most likely want to write me back but let me give you some advice. Don’t. I won’t even waste a second of my valuable time to read a single thing from you. Oh and don’t bad mouth my mom anymore. She’s an amazing mother and I would literally die for her without thinking twice. Take care heather and I really do hope you can just live your life and move on. Maybe have some kids of your own one day and actually serve a purpose in life. Oh and don’t worry about my sister. She has become the most amazing girl and is doing perfectly fine and actually is beginning to live out her dreams. Trust me when i tell you that she doesn’t even think about you or know who you really are. Anyway enjoy your life.
    Patrick.

    Like

    • Wow. You definitely are your mother’s son and that is all I have to say about that.. you both have a “way” with words – and you both have hurt eachother with your words (I know that for a fact). But, I am glad you are happy with your life and I’m also glad you are happily married – I would never wish anything less for you Patrick – the “favorite” child. I do live my own life, and part of it is writing.. and say what you will – people DO read what I write. I’m not trying to get attention – I’m writing because (while in college) I realized that writing is one of my talents that I enjoy. I’m sorry I was not a better sister to you and I’m sorry you feel the way you do. I am sorry that you feel the need to speak of a salary that you believe is far greater than mine or Nate’s combined. We are happy with the salaries we make and living quite nicely and happily (on our own without the help of anyone else) – regardless of salary – we are happy and that is all that matters to us. Anyone with any kind of class already knows how unclassy it is to bring up salary anyway. I never said I was perfect, nor did I call you a screw up – I just wondered why Mom held me and Jill to higher expectations.. and she did… I was scared to death of the consequences if I did something against her wishes. I’m not pissed or flustered – and.. since nobody reads my blog (according to you) I have nothing to be upset about, right? I’m sorry you view this as bad mouthing – sometimes the truth hurts. We all have a past, and I have the right (like anyone else) to write about my life – which includes my past.. and the people in it. If you knew anything about me – you would know I’m serving a purpose – but YOU haven’t actually spoken to me since the day you decided to join the military… another argument I got caught in the middle of .. defending YOUR MOM because she was so upset with your decision(s). I’m not surprised that Jill has become an amazing girl – I hope she continues down that path as I’m sure she probably will, and I won’t ever believe a word you say about what she thinks of me .. that game has been “played” before. Don’t worry – I’m enjoying my life comepletely.. it has been SOOOO nice to have a drama-free life for the last 3 years, so really – thank you!!!!! All the best to you & your lovely wife! -Heather

      PS – to anyone who may read this .. this would be a post from my (half) brother Patrick.

      Like

      • Keri says:

        Isn’t this the brother who couldn’t even handle the Marine Corps??
        I’ve been your friend since we were in middle school Heather and I know for a fact, that everything in your blog is nothing but the truth.
        You a realist living in the “real” unsheltered world.. Raise your head high and let no one make you feel anything less or inferior EVER!
        You are one of the most sweetest genuine gals I’ve ever known!
        Love ya!!! 😉

        Like

    • Submitted on 2012/08/14 at 8:02 PM | In reply to patrick sanford.

      Wow. You definitely are your mother’s son and that is all I have to say about that.. you both have a “way” with words – and you both have hurt eachother with your words (I know that for a fact). But, I am glad you are happy with your life and I’m also glad you are happily married – I would never wish anything less for you Patrick – the “favorite” child. I do live my own life, and part of it is writing.. and say what you will – people DO read what I write. I’m not trying to get attention – I’m writing because (while in college) I realized that writing is one of my talents that I enjoy. I’m sorry I was not a better sister to you and I’m sorry you feel the way you do. I am sorry that you feel the need to speak of a salary that you believe is far greater than mine or Nate’s combined. We are happy with the salaries we make and living quite nicely and happily (on our own without the help of anyone else) – regardless of salary – we are happy and that is all that matters to us. Anyone with any kind of class already knows how unclassy it is to bring up salary anyway. I never said I was perfect, nor did I call you a screw up – I just wondered why Mom held me and Jill to higher expectations.. and she did… I was scared to death of the consequences if I did something against her wishes. I’m not pissed or flustered – and.. since nobody reads my blog (according to you) I have nothing to be upset about, right? I’m sorry you view this as bad mouthing – sometimes the truth hurts. We all have a past, and I have the right (like anyone else) to write about my life – which includes my past.. and the people in it. If you knew anything about me – you would know I’m serving a purpose – but YOU haven’t actually spoken to me since the day you decided to join the military… another argument I got caught in the middle of .. defending YOUR MOM because she was so upset with your decision(s). I’m not surprised that Jill has become an amazing girl – I hope she continues down that path as I’m sure she probably will, and I won’t ever believe a word you say about what she thinks of me .. that game has been “played” before. Don’t worry – I’m enjoying my life comepletely.. it has been SOOOO nice to have a drama-free life for the last 3 years, so really – thank you!!!!! All the best to you & your lovely wife! -Heather

      PS – to anyone who may read this .. this would be a post from my (half) brother Patrick.

      Like

    • Meg says:

      Heather,

      I really don’t know many of the specifics about your past family life, so judging the appropriateness of the poem is difficult. From a purely poetic reference, any negativity that is displayed in the writing is tactful. In my opinion, you are not attacking anyone, though you are clearly disapproving of many decisions, one of which being your decision to invest so much care in the opinions of others. From your half-brother’s response, two things are infinitely clear to me. First, that he cares what you think of him. His angry retort though flawed in many ways, speaks in a way as to defend. He defends himself and ‘his’ family by attacking you and yours. He further cares what others think of him as well. The references to status and admission to mistakes speaks to his humanity which he apparently is entitled to where as you are not. He displays his reply in a public way in which to attract the best audience—your friends in which he can chastise you in front of those who love you [which I believe to be the epitome of low brow and cheap shots]. The second item that I note is the need for control that his words embody. Notice how instead of responding to your reflections and observations, he jumps in to give you an order ‘say what you want about all of us’. He later then refutes that command with his own verbiage. My thoughts are that your blog intimidates him. He can’t control it—though for someone who cares naught for you, he sure does try. His vanity shows as he speaks for ‘all’. Your poetry speaks for you. What he fails to realize is that the words are not about him and them—truly. Though there are truths that embarrass him within it, the work’s purpose, like your purpose, is not to serve an egotistical being of wrath. I pity the narrowness of his perspective and suggest he take an introductory course in poetry.

      Love,

      Meg

      Like

  2. Alexis says:

    Patrick – I think it hilarious that you claim you have forgotten about Heather and don’t care what she thinks or if she lives or dies yet you still take the time to read her blog. By the way, she is an amazing, lovely person and you are really missing out by not having a relationship with her. She is one of the happiest, sweetest, and kindest people I have ever met.

    Like

    • S Lane says:

      What she said! It is mind-numbing just to think that people could even talk to you that way Heather! Your entire neighborhood loves you and Nate, you’re always such a positive person to be around its incredible to imagine how anyone could say otherwise. It sounds like your family is hanging onto a bunch of hate & baggage that they say isn’t there but apparently is. I can tell by the way you represent yourself that you’ve moved past it in a healthy way. Good for you–others would carry that chip on their shoulder and you never have shown it. I wouldn’t have known unless I saw this blog!

      Like

  3. DeDe says:

    Good grief. Nice language from your “successful” brother. Clearly his salary is not based on his ability to write using proper grammar or spell check! You never once spoke ill of him directly…clearly he’s feeling guilty and defensive. Personally, if I “couldn’t care less” if someone lived or died, commenting on their blog wouldn’t be a priority. So, who really needs the attention? In any case Heather, you are FAR better off without them, even if they are family. You are safe, loved, happy, and accomplished. You radiate all things positive and you live life with a kindness that is rare. You are an example of making your own fairytale and I am honored to watch your story unfold. Hold your head high and know that you are above the people who try to keep you down!

    Like

  4. General Tricia, Army for Heather says:

    Over the last 15 years I have gotten to know Heather very well. She is bright, funny, smart, loving and not an ounce of hatred in her. Considering whom her biological mother is, it is amazing she isn’t full of hate and loathing. I have seen the words played out in public from her biological mother and they are not words any mother should ever say to a child, regardless of how they feel in the moment. I have seen the bruises first hand this person has placed upon Heather and it is a miracle that she isn’t bat shit crazy, like her biological mother. Thankfully she has family; her father, her aunts, her cousin, her amazing husband, and most importantly her family she created from her friends. This army will stand behind Heather and beat the haters away. Who are you to come on her blog and beat her down with words? You are a stalker, a hater and so damn jealous of the freedom Heather has, having broken away from her bat shit crazy biological mother and you dumb ass country backwoods screw ups. I have seen the public, for everyone to read, words and accusations fly. So if you truly feel that Heather is dead to you why take the time to write your post? This shows the rest of the world how dumb you all are! Shows how Heather still gets under your skin, knowing she is better educated, better loved, lives a better life and showing the world she WILL NOT allow that bat shit crazy woman to control any aspect of her life. Words speak for themselves do they not; yours speaks volumes and that army that defends Heather is ready. Are you?

    Like

  5. Dina says:

    Reading Patrick’s reply left me laughing out loud… Heather has shown such restraint in her writing regarding her family – and to have Patrick take such personal offense over the above piece is interesting. Wonder what his response will be if I can ever get her to write about his ‘military experience’ ….how he went AWOL after boot camp and hid out at home claiming that he was psychologically traumatized and disabled from his bootcamp experience even as he had a huge Marine tattoo plastered on his arm! Hahahaha…you can’t make stuff like that up…hahaha…

    Like

  6. Michelle (sister-in-law) says:

    Oh Heather – Wow I’m so sorry…. It was painful to read such a hateful comment. I like the saying “You don’t have to blow out someone else’s candle, to make yours shine brighter.” Keep your head high, we adore having you in our family! ((Hugs))

    Like

  7. Rachelle says:

    Heather, you are an amazingly wonderful and awesome person! You are smart, talented, and loved by many! Don’t let people or their words get you down, EVER! I love you and your writing! Keep it up! Please!

    Like

  8. All I read in this post was the same thing Heather posted on Facebook a while back: disbelief in how easily her mother cut her out of her life, with the rest of the family seeming to follow suit. From the sound of things, Heather is better off with Nate and his family. I haven’t known her long nor do I know much about her family situation, so I can’t say much about it. But as one whose roommate (a year younger than me, mind you) also made me fear the consequences of my words and actions around her, I must say: Heather, you’re better off leaving them in your past.

    Like

  9. Marci says:

    Heather, I don’t even know what to say. I was so saddened to read Patrick’s post. I don’t understand how anyone, family or not, could be so hateful. You are such an amazing person and I am so proud of what you have overcome to be the wonderful, friendly, happy person you are today. Keep your head up and know you are loved more than you know!

    Like

  10. Jen Snyder says:

    Sweet Heather, I love you and am so sorry that anyone could say such hateful things about and to you. I too am glad that you are free and happy. In college, I know how much you loved and missed your siblings, and I only wish that you hadn’t been made to leave NCC after such a short time. We would have had a blast together those four years. I am also terribly sorry for the pain and bitterness that seems to be eating your brother up. No one should have to live like that, but the choice to change and to heal is ours alone. Hate is a prison, and the only one in chains is the person holding on to that anger. Thank God that He is our Healer, our Provider, and the source of reconciliation. I pray that for your family. Again, love you bunches and thank you for sharing.

    Like

  11. Heather,

    Anne Lamott once said that if people expect you to write warmly about them, they should have behaved better. Keep writing, tastefully and honestly.

    Your cheerleader,

    Crystal

    Like

  12. Keri says:

    Nicely done Heather.. Sad but true.
    Love ya! I can relate to this personally with my bio mother ( whom I haven’t spoken to in three years).

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s